Featured Satirist: Janine Annett
The Election Edition
JANINE ANNETT satirizes President-Elect Trump’s announcement that auto mechanic David Trolls with become Secretary of Transportation.
New York, NY — Today, President-Elect Donald J. Trump announced the appointment of David Trolls as the new Secretary of Transportation for the United States of America.
“Dave did a great job, a terrific job, fixing my car,” said Mr. Trump. “He really is an outstanding mechanic. He’s not cheap, but I know he doesn’t overcharge me, either. So I decided to make him the Secretary of Transportation.”
Mr. Trolls, speaking about his new role in the White House, added, “I have no political experience, but neither does Donald. That’s what is so great about him. He’s willing to give real jobs to hard-working Americans—born in the U.S.A.!—who are ready to really shake things up!”
Mr. Trump commented further, “Dave did a tremendous job on my American-made luxury car, and there are hardly any people left in this country who can work on American-made cars. All those jobs have gone to Mexicans. But I’m telling you, because Dave fixed my car, he can help me fix America.”
Mr. Trolls, a native of Staten Island, NY, attended high school for two years. He has worked in the automotive industry, “and other pursuits (wink wink),” for more than 20 years. When asked about his expectations for his new role as Secretary of Transportation, Mr. Trolls responded, “Sometimes you gotta just learn on the job.”
“I have no doubt that Dave is qualified for this role,” Mr. Trump said. “His knowledge of American-made cars is unparallelled.” When asked specifically what tasks Mr. Trolls was expected to undertake in his cabinet position, Mr. Trump replied, “He’s going to fix America’s brakes. He’ll make America brake again.”