Hilarioscopes with Lady Briley
AQUARIUS ~ 1/20 - 2/18
You’re the type who wears shiny pants while waxing poetic about Descartes.
PISCES ~ 2/19 - 3/20
When the flame gets too hot, you can be found sautéed with two glasses of wine.
ARIES ~ 3/21 - 4/19
You love to binge-watch TV through other people's windows.
TAURUS ~ 4/20 - 5/20
You seek out gift horses and then punch them in the mouth.
GEMINI ~ 5/21 - 6/20
You will keep all of your secrets until Thursday.
CANCER ~ 6/21 - 7/22
You’re down with OPP and ADD! You know the rest.
LEO ~ 7/23 - 8/22
You don’t like to say “sorry,” but you will apologize for being right.
VIRGO ~ 8/23 - 9/23
You’re always ready to lend a hand, especially when finger food is around.
LIBRA ~ 9/24 - 10/22
You’re dedicated to preserving the Milly Rock on any block.
SCORPIO ~ 10/23 - 11/21
You dive into shallow water with scuba gear on looking for reasons.
SAGITTARIUS ~ 11/22 - 12/21
You borrow someone’s car and crash it, and then you never pay me—I mean them—back.
CAPRICORN ~ 12/22 - 1/19
You love to sing "I will survive!" backwards while moving forward.
For personal readings, send your date of birth and your favorite candy bar to Lady Briley.